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    1. “Your honor, the accused flung his hoagie towards Federal officers, several of whom were struck violently with various garnishes and smeared with unknown and potentially hazardous condiments.”

    2. But think what could have happened? The mustard from the sandwich could have splashed into a federal officer’s eyes, who then fell back into the path of a bus, which skidded over him, crashing into a hotel full of school children at a state sports event, causing the hotel to burst into flames, then collapsing onto a second hotel, ending up with hundreds and hundreds of dead children and adults and puppies from a destroyed pet store. Oh, the humanity! That’s why the Sandwich Slinging Slaughterer deserves that 10-year felony charge.

    3. Long ago, the nation lived in harmony. Then everything changed when the sandwich wars started.

    4. lldumbcloudsll on

      In this economy. To throw a full hoagie at the average cost of 15 dollars a Sammy. Bro must have been pissed.

    5. LowerEngineering9999 on

      This made me literally laugh out loud! I’m going to D.C. next week but before I’m getting a bunch of protest stickers to sticker bomb all over D.C. and join the fight. Would you mind if I turn this into a sticker to tag all over D.C.?

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