The world’s best preserved Ancient Egyptian “Book of the Dead,” full of pleas & promises (OC, Info in comments) [4032×3024]

Ancient tombs. Magical spells. A guy eating his own poop. It’s called the “Book of the Dead.” Well, that’s what we call it, anyway. The Ancient Egyptians called it the “Book of Going Forth by Day.”

Do you know where I saw this artifact? Go ahead, guess. I’ll tell you where at the end.

This piece of papyrus belonged to a dude named Hunefer. He was a royal scribe and “Overseer of Royal Cattle” for his boss: the Pharaoh Seti I, way back in the 1200s BC.

Seti’s tomb is easily the most impressive in the Valley of the Kings. I’ll touch on that at the end, too. No skipping ahead.

Now, you might think being the king’s Cow Man would’ve been a shitty job (literally), but it’s not like he was scooping it up himself. Hunefer was pretty important in his own right. One of the reasons we know this is because his copy of the Book of the Dead is *really* high end. He certainly didn’t buy it at Big Lots.

**Cannibal God**

Now, calling it the “Book of the Dead” makes it sound creepy. That’s probably why they used the name in that Brendan Fraser movie.

Nothing against Brendan, obviously. He’s a good guy. It’s not like he wrote the script himself.

Its real name, the “Book of Going Forth by Day” relates to its intended purpose. It consists of a number of “spells” that would help you navigate the underworld after death, gain eternal life, and eventually allow part of your spirit to fly out of the tomb during the daytime.

This was part of a *really* long tradition in Ancient Egypt, going back over a thousand years.

Back then, there were “Pyramid Texts” on the walls of royal tombs like that of Unas, a Pharaoh of the Old Kingdom. There aren’t any drawings, just walls covered in hieroglyphs saying all sorts of fucked up stuff.

One portion is called the “Cannibal Hymn,” where it explains how Unas is a god who gains strength by gobbling up other gods. And it goes into a *lot* of detail. The guy is chewing entrails and swallowing lungs, which probably tasted better than one of those pretzel crust pizzas from Little Caesar’s.

These texts later spread to other royals besides the king. And as the Old Kingdom transitioned to the Middle Kingdom, we see what are called “Coffin Texts,” where these spells are painted on the coffins.

So you didn’t need to be royal to have these — just rich. As things tend to go through history. I guess the poor people were shit out of luck.

And by the time the New Kingdom rolled around, you could just have it scribbled on a piece of papyrus. Unless you were the king’s personal Cow Man. Then you paid some really talented guys to make sure your book looked extra nice.

But it’s not like these were affordable. One source says a copy cost the equivalent of half a year’s pay for the average worker, so it’d probably be about the same as if you got a little sick and had to go to the doctor in the US.

**Bogus Journey**

What we’re looking at here is just one piece of a Book of the Dead.

After you died, you’d have to face a number of challenges, just like Bill and Ted playing Connect Four.

One way of looking at it is that this book was a guide for your spirit, with instructions on how to pass guardians and gatekeepers on your way to being reborn.

For example, one “spell” tells you how to avoid having your head chopped off. I’m thinking that one was pretty important.

There’s also many that just tell you the name of gatekeepers, since knowing someone’s name gave you power over them.

These weren’t “normal” names. One doorkeeper is named “the one who eats the excrement of his hinderparts.” I’ve encountered a number of people like that on Twitter.

So what would be worse: Having your head cut off, or meeting a creepy underworld guy who eats his own poop?

(Continued below, because apparently I typed too much)