Am I allowed to post this?
I hand-illustrated, voiced, and wrote this about feeling stuck between a situation that I know is not good for me and overthinking causing inaction or rumination
For me this feeling came when moving countries (USA to Korea to Thailand), ending a past (almost good enough to marry) relationship, and quiting a "good" job for something riskier but I'm more aligned with. I tried to give a specific & helpful heuristic that helped my situations as well
Any feedback would be great
Full transcript for those who'd rather read than watch:
So here we are. The painful gray area
Where doing nothing starts to hurt but you still don’t have any clarity
And you’re taunted by the feeling that there is a another deeper, richer life just…. right there… beneath the surface… just out of reach…
The reason this is painful is because your body is trying to tell you something… Symptoms like anger, boredom, discomfort in your gut….. is information… A message…. But we need to be careful to understand it….
Because if your situation is already causing these symptoms, there are only two paths ahead of you…. and taking the wrong one will only make things much worse…
— — —
[THE SYMPTOMS]
Your symptoms aren't nothing
The real trick is convincing your rational mind, your intellect, that these symptoms are something to take seriously…. To convince your intellect that there’s even a problem at all…
Change is not possible if you can’t first admit the problem exists…
Your symptoms are signs but your mind is probably rationalizing these feelings away… It might tell you that you’re lucky to have this good job… That considering divorce is crazy… Or that you’ve built a comfortable life and it would be silly to throw it away…
But as long as your intellect is in control— Explaining away your feelings of boredom, anger, and frustration
Then change is not possible… Honest and authentic action is not possible… The intellect must surrender first…. And accept there is a problem….
Otherwise trying to “just be logical” becomes avoidance of a difficult emotional truth…
The symptoms are already empirical evidence that something needs to give… And if that something is within your power to change.. then it is your responsibility to do so…
So if it’s clear your symptoms are actually there… And you can accept the message your body is giving you… Then you need to understand the two options in front of you… Otherwise you might make the mistake of delaying a decision, distracting or numbing yourself, or circling back to doubt that anything is actually wrong at all….
— — —
[THE TWO PATHS]
There’re two options ahead… Two paths….
The first is to run… Start over… Make the big change…. There are times when you need to move to a new city, change careers, maybe even uproot everything… That’s one of the paths ahead…. But first, since it’s most likely you DON’T need to uproot everything… let’s take about the other, often more difficult path….
Choosing your current situation more intentionally….. Enduring with purpose…
This is the right decision when the pain point in your life has a natural end date AND it broadens the options ahead of you… Even if that future is still unclear
This might mean finishing your degree even though you’re convinced college isn’t right for you… Or staying in a job you hate to save money so change later is possible..
This is important so let’s repeat it: If the painful situation will naturally end and it serves your future… A future you at least MIGHT want… then you need to endure and deepen your commitment to this stage of your life…
You must trust that life has not forgotten you… Endurance here will be rewarded…
And even though it feels like you want to sell everything and buy the next ticket to Tijuana…. this feeling isn’t supposed to be taken literally…. Almost no feelings are….
Similar to how the intensity of your hunger doesn’t tell you how MUCH to eat, but rather how SOON you should eat… The intensity of your feelings tell you not how MUCH to change but rather how overdue that change is…
And this change could be how you relate to your current situation….
The richer and deeper life you’re seeking can be the life you currently have…. But only if you live more honestly and earnestly…
Keep the short term perspective… This is only for a season….
But also take your responsibilities as seriously as you can… Minimize and focus on what is important…
Forget yourself… and fully align with the tasks and people in front of you…
This is the path of more authentic engagement with your current situation… and it’s not easy… but sometimes necessary…
The other, more extreme path is to make the big change…. To run away… To start over… Quit your job… Break up with your partner…. Move to a new country….
This path is valid and it’s one I’ve taken myself more than once…… This Youtube channel is a result of my most recent choice to take a new path….
But sometimes starting over is more about escapism than anything else… And in that case you might end up making a terrible mistake….
So let’s go over the signs that point towards the path of major change because you need to understand when the radical path is the correct one…. Misreading your situation could be disasterous here…
— — —
[HOW TO TELL WHICH PATH IS CORRECT FOR YOUR SITUATION]
So what are the signs that you need to make a major change in your life?
First, you need a persistent bodily feeling or intuition that something needs to change or that something is wrong…… The telltale sign is that he feeling intensifies as you resist or ignore it…
Sit with the feeling over time and let it grow to know that it’s genuine… Don’t numb yourself with porn, video games, alcohol, or weed… Let yourself have the chance to receive the message loud and clear…
Next you need to identify what needs to change. Your relationship, your friends, your job, your city? What needs to change will be exactly where the symptoms show up… so it should be relatively clear…. BUT this is also where you decide between engaging more… or making the big change… Your symptoms will give you the direction…. Trust them.. But then ask yourself: will this painful situation naturally end, and will it help create a better future?
If the answer is no to either question, then it’s time to start planning. How will you change your situation? This is when the bodily feeling or intuition is accepted, the decision to change is made, and the task of planning is given to the intellect. Your rational mind finally has its main part to play
You need to plan your change within the constraints of money, visas, and whatever other logistics exist in your life….
If you plan to quit your tech job and do creative work… you need to give yourself the financial runway to do so
If you want to move to a country that better aligns with your values… then you need to make sure the visas and career situation work…
If you decide your relationship needs to change, then figure out how and when to tell your partner..
The intellect’s job is in the details… the nitty gritty logistics… Not to make you doubt yourself too much…
Because your body already knows… Our conscious minds are often left playing catch-up or busy rationalizing the truth away
— — —
And so I hope you have the courage and discipline to see this through… Because it might be the biggest decision of your life… No matter how painful and unclear it feels now
by zenmonkeyfish1