I hate that I now see the name Aaron as A-A Ron now. Damn you Key and Peele smh.
Independent-Laugh623 on
The Morton special 😭
KristyNoemsZombieDog on
God changing so easily in writing makes you almost think its all just made up anyway
Genius-Imbecile on
Old testament God was needy
ThePrinceofallYNs on
“DIDYA PRAY TODAY?”
AllSeeQr on
God said I don’t care how old you are, hold your arm up or your armies die 😭
Electronic_Snow_4685 on
The second last slide is wrong. God didn’t send lions to tear up those boys for teasing Elisha. He sent bears. That story traumatized me, so I gotta make sure you get it right.
lleighsha on
Jezebel ending up a pile of dung is far worse than what they tell us.
TelenorTheGNP on
Never really thought that the Old Testament is basically German nursery rhymes.
Don’t go into the forest or a witch will try to eat you.
Don’t lie or you burn.
stellarinterstitium on
Old testament God was 100% dark triad. That’s how you know he’s created in the image of man. The New Testament is the internal family systems therapy retcon.
b33fsquatch1 on
he killed one of the people carrying the ark of the covenant instantly bc it was slipping and he touched it to reposition it. Bro was relentless
Dont-be-a-smurf on
OH YOU FUCKERS CALLED ME BALD?
GOD, SEND IN THE SHE-BEARS
*she-bears slaughter 42 children*
——-
For the source:
2 Kings 2:23-24
King James Version
23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.
NewSauerKraus on
They were really doing too much to scare slaves into obedience.
Pompoulus on
I mean with OT God and a dash of bad luck you could skip right to finding out, no fucking around required.
Icy_Trainer9676 on
Nah because when God opened up the earth to swallow up a WHOLE GENERATION my flabber was gasted
awooff on
Blood sacrifice in o.t. was formed from druid sacrifice. These people are in awe with blood shed!
KingDocXIV on
Ngl being forced to read the bible is probably what made me the atheist I am today
stink3rb3lle on
The wild thing is Judaism is pretty chill, often more chill than Christian sects, and they’re using just the Old Testament.
Hot-Distribution3826 on
I’m just glad we in our Bible
oh_please_god_no on
I recommend reading [Good Book by David Plotz](https://a.co/d/0eSjn9Rk). He reads the Old Testament that he never truly read in its entirety and has hilarious reactions to everything in it. And he learns about life and love along the way.
GardenRafters on
Wait until you find out it’s all made up
According-Fix-9717 on
😂
ElleBelle901 on
God was in his “Aight. Bet.” era.
jono9898 on
Me watching my wife and kids get slimed out because we ate bread on Wednesday with our left hands
ladyevenstar-22 on
And just like that… he become a boomer in his old age .
The elder kids who got the old testament treatment watching these young ones living the new testament lifetime unlimited get out of sin jail tab .
Nothing turned me off religion faster than seeing people sin all week then act pious on Sunday only to start the same shtick the next week . Little me was side eyeing people in church and concluded all this is a big fat hoax to set a routine in place and keep people under thumb of some authority .
Adventurous_Pie_7586 on
The Old Testament God is the only one I believe in. Makes sense we’d have someone up there doing whatever they wanted and doling out punishment as they saw fit. Dude got bored and left us to our own devices long ago
GCIV414 on
God did the Craig lookout whistle for that whale to get Jonah
Sifev on
Why are we(yall) still following Abrahamic religions in 2026, let’s wrap this up
KendrickBlack502 on
None of that compares to the fact that according to Christianity, everyone between Adam and Jesus’ death is burning in hell right now. Most sects have come up with some frilly, non-biblical answer for this and say that’s not true but if you take the Bible at its word, that’s what happened. Of course, this is all fairytale nonsense but it’s funny to me that people think that’s fair.
Snorlax4000 on
“Soft parenting” 😭😭😭
Jobriath on
Obviously this is light-hearted and not an in-depth bible study, but I would have liked to see her acknowledge that Ananias and Sapphira are figures in the Book of Acts (New Testament).
Specific-Garlic-2495 on
There’s a brilliant scene in Monty Pythons Holy Grail where King Arthur speaks to God and God is a bad tempered old sod.
Turning you to salt or setting you on fire is old style retribution. Today it’s ” I command ye send Trump upon them, the ingrate little shits “
ragnarokda on
What about that time he sent bears to eat kids caused they made fun of a bald guy?
As a bald guy, I would prefer geese.
bottledsoi on
Some humans made that up and a ton of people just believed it.
BrazyKiccz on
Imagine actually believing this. 😂
Prior-Tadpole-1860 on
I think the reason that God in the Old Testament is such a fucking psycho is because God was how the ancient Jews made sense of the world. The Old Testament isn’t just a set of morals, it’s a guidebook to how the world works (according to their culture). Not just in a societal sense, but literally.
When you look at every natural event as having occurred due to the deliberate actions of a deity, that deity is going to seem super murderous.
Look at the prohibition against eating shellfish: they didn’t arbitrarily decide that shrimp sucked, they made a taboo of it because from their perspective, *God randomly choked people (mostly children) to death for eating it*. It was “God’s Will” to them, because they didn’t understand allergies.
God, as they understood the concept, was petty and murderous. Otherwise, why would it send so many disasters and diseases upon them? They were a God-fearing people, the whole book is how *not* to piss God off. So it makes sense that their stories are about God burning cities to the ground and sending bears to maul children.
Dependent_Tax2824 on
He was the God of War, so yea lol
Holiday_Regular9794 on
Not the Morton’s Special😂😂😂😂
bheidian on
and old testament god is still the good version of god because the jews don’t believe in hell. all he would do is kill your ass, not torture you forever.
psychymikey on
I could have sworn that story was about Moses nephews touching the ark of the covenant wrong or unauthorized touching of it or something.
Yeah they did burst to flames but they did also touch a biblical nuke when they weren’t supposed to
Javon745 on
God really said to Abraham “Aye bruh, if you really rocking with me the only way for me to actually believe ts is for you to kill your kid.” Then when he was about to do it God was like “nah I’m just playin lol” Like even when he was doing stuff like that it was extreme.
jamesaaronw on
These KILLED ME lol
severinks on
God left his main man Moses by the side of the road instead of letting him come into the Promised Land because Moses hit a rock with his staff instead of talking to it to make water spring forth from it.
Now THAT’S a tough boss.
mstrss9 on
I’m glad they brought up Ananias and Sapphira because those are New Testament folks
And I’m still waiting for it to happen to many of these charlatans
jayeddy99 on
That was back when he would talk to you directly too if not then through a scary biblically accurate angel 😂
50 Comments
That third slide is hilarious 😆
Messed with Job for banter ultimately
This take captures my thoughts exactly RE JOB: https://youtu.be/LOBBkxHIcS4?si=yr3gPaRcCrw4uuI3
All this time spent analyzing an old novella.
Morton’s special was hilarious 😂😂
Damn this got me wanting to read the Bible😂😂
I hate that I now see the name Aaron as A-A Ron now. Damn you Key and Peele smh.
The Morton special 😭
God changing so easily in writing makes you almost think its all just made up anyway
Old testament God was needy
“DIDYA PRAY TODAY?”
God said I don’t care how old you are, hold your arm up or your armies die 😭
The second last slide is wrong. God didn’t send lions to tear up those boys for teasing Elisha. He sent bears. That story traumatized me, so I gotta make sure you get it right.
Jezebel ending up a pile of dung is far worse than what they tell us.
Never really thought that the Old Testament is basically German nursery rhymes.
Don’t go into the forest or a witch will try to eat you.
Don’t lie or you burn.
Old testament God was 100% dark triad. That’s how you know he’s created in the image of man. The New Testament is the internal family systems therapy retcon.
he killed one of the people carrying the ark of the covenant instantly bc it was slipping and he touched it to reposition it. Bro was relentless
OH YOU FUCKERS CALLED ME BALD?
GOD, SEND IN THE SHE-BEARS
*she-bears slaughter 42 children*
——-
For the source:
2 Kings 2:23-24
King James Version
23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.
They were really doing too much to scare slaves into obedience.
I mean with OT God and a dash of bad luck you could skip right to finding out, no fucking around required.
Nah because when God opened up the earth to swallow up a WHOLE GENERATION my flabber was gasted
Blood sacrifice in o.t. was formed from druid sacrifice. These people are in awe with blood shed!
Ngl being forced to read the bible is probably what made me the atheist I am today
The wild thing is Judaism is pretty chill, often more chill than Christian sects, and they’re using just the Old Testament.
I’m just glad we in our Bible
I recommend reading [Good Book by David Plotz](https://a.co/d/0eSjn9Rk). He reads the Old Testament that he never truly read in its entirety and has hilarious reactions to everything in it. And he learns about life and love along the way.
Wait until you find out it’s all made up
😂
God was in his “Aight. Bet.” era.
Me watching my wife and kids get slimed out because we ate bread on Wednesday with our left hands
And just like that… he become a boomer in his old age .
The elder kids who got the old testament treatment watching these young ones living the new testament lifetime unlimited get out of sin jail tab .
Nothing turned me off religion faster than seeing people sin all week then act pious on Sunday only to start the same shtick the next week . Little me was side eyeing people in church and concluded all this is a big fat hoax to set a routine in place and keep people under thumb of some authority .
The Old Testament God is the only one I believe in. Makes sense we’d have someone up there doing whatever they wanted and doling out punishment as they saw fit. Dude got bored and left us to our own devices long ago
God did the Craig lookout whistle for that whale to get Jonah
Why are we(yall) still following Abrahamic religions in 2026, let’s wrap this up
None of that compares to the fact that according to Christianity, everyone between Adam and Jesus’ death is burning in hell right now. Most sects have come up with some frilly, non-biblical answer for this and say that’s not true but if you take the Bible at its word, that’s what happened. Of course, this is all fairytale nonsense but it’s funny to me that people think that’s fair.
“Soft parenting” 😭😭😭
Obviously this is light-hearted and not an in-depth bible study, but I would have liked to see her acknowledge that Ananias and Sapphira are figures in the Book of Acts (New Testament).
There’s a brilliant scene in Monty Pythons Holy Grail where King Arthur speaks to God and God is a bad tempered old sod.
Turning you to salt or setting you on fire is old style retribution. Today it’s ” I command ye send Trump upon them, the ingrate little shits “
What about that time he sent bears to eat kids caused they made fun of a bald guy?
As a bald guy, I would prefer geese.
Some humans made that up and a ton of people just believed it.
Imagine actually believing this. 😂
I think the reason that God in the Old Testament is such a fucking psycho is because God was how the ancient Jews made sense of the world. The Old Testament isn’t just a set of morals, it’s a guidebook to how the world works (according to their culture). Not just in a societal sense, but literally.
When you look at every natural event as having occurred due to the deliberate actions of a deity, that deity is going to seem super murderous.
Look at the prohibition against eating shellfish: they didn’t arbitrarily decide that shrimp sucked, they made a taboo of it because from their perspective, *God randomly choked people (mostly children) to death for eating it*. It was “God’s Will” to them, because they didn’t understand allergies.
God, as they understood the concept, was petty and murderous. Otherwise, why would it send so many disasters and diseases upon them? They were a God-fearing people, the whole book is how *not* to piss God off. So it makes sense that their stories are about God burning cities to the ground and sending bears to maul children.
He was the God of War, so yea lol
Not the Morton’s Special😂😂😂😂
and old testament god is still the good version of god because the jews don’t believe in hell. all he would do is kill your ass, not torture you forever.
I could have sworn that story was about Moses nephews touching the ark of the covenant wrong or unauthorized touching of it or something.
Yeah they did burst to flames but they did also touch a biblical nuke when they weren’t supposed to
God really said to Abraham “Aye bruh, if you really rocking with me the only way for me to actually believe ts is for you to kill your kid.” Then when he was about to do it God was like “nah I’m just playin lol” Like even when he was doing stuff like that it was extreme.
These KILLED ME lol
God left his main man Moses by the side of the road instead of letting him come into the Promised Land because Moses hit a rock with his staff instead of talking to it to make water spring forth from it.
Now THAT’S a tough boss.
I’m glad they brought up Ananias and Sapphira because those are New Testament folks
And I’m still waiting for it to happen to many of these charlatans
That was back when he would talk to you directly too if not then through a scary biblically accurate angel 😂